Documentation of my completely destroyed luggage. Picture all of my clothes falling out and you get the idea.
I don't even know where to start on this one. On Saturday I travelled four hours to Almaty, Kazakhstan so that I could fly Lufthansa direct to Frankfurt and then on to JFK. Kazakhstan is crazy expensive -- go figure. At the Holiday Inn in Almaty you can buy a $25 hamburger. I went across the street to a "supermarket" and found some cheese, crackers and a bag of peanuts which set me back around $15. At around 2:00 a.m. I took a cab to the airport to catch my flight.
Things started out well when the gate agent was able to get me into an exit row which was in the middle of the plane by the flight attendant area. Tons of leg room and an uneventful flight.
When I arrived in Frankfurt, I wanted to go see the animal holding area, but was unable to get transportation out there just for a look. For whatever reason, however, the Lufthansa employees with whom I was speaking took me into the VIP lounge and allowed me use the phone. They left, I stayed. Not a bad way to kill five hours.
Karma is a bitch and the universe got back at me in a rather large way. When I went to the gate to board the next leg of my flight to JFK, I was told that the only seat available was a middle seat. I got to my seat and tried to get some sleep. That didn't work so I ended up talking to my seatmates. The guy in the window seat was a German translator going back to the states for a visit, and the woman on my right was a college student returning from a friend's wedding in India. We talked, ate our meals, etc. over the next few hours. With about six hours left in the flight the guy in the window seat reached over and ran his hand up my thigh. Not accidentally mind you, I'm talking about a full massage of my leg. I ripped off my headphones and said "whoa, what the f*$@ was that!!!!!!!" He recoiled and said something about having a dream. I sat there stunned. In retrospect I should have demanded that the flight attendant move me to business class (all the seats in coach were taken). The next six hours were about as uncomfortable as six hours can be. I'm still in disbelief.
Finally, when I got off the plane and made it to the baggage claim area I was greeted with a bag which was ripped open with my clothes, dress shirts, etc. exposed to the filthy baggage carousel. I went to the Lufthansa offices and plopped the bag in front of the woman's desk. After hearing the four people in front of me complain about their luggage being lost, it was my turn. I pushed the bag forward with my foot as the woman looked at it, looked at me, and said "what can I help you with?" I stared in disbelief as I sarcastically explained that my bag was slightly "damaged." She gave me some paperwork to fill out so that I could request that the airline pay for a new bag. She then had the nerve to ask me why I put the tape on the bag. It took everything I had to keep from blurting out "where the f@#$ would I have gotten tape? And if I had had tape I think I could have done a better job than this mess."
I then took a $60 cab ride to my hotel. About three hours later, food poisoning hit me and I have alternated between the bathroom and the bed for the last two days simultaneously battling food poisoning and jet lag.
I can't wait for the trip back to Bishkek. What the hell else could happen? I guess the moral of the story is that scamming your way into the VIP lounge can have major negative karmic implications.
